13 years

i think of myself
in a negative sense.
i am not ‘all that’
i am mean
and selfish
i spend all my money on, well, shoes.
i would not admire myself if i was a third party
looking in at me.

yet;
people say i am like you
in my ways and means and mannerisms,
yet, in my thoughts
i refuse to believe that
you are anything short of amazing.

maybe i have misunderstood my memories.
they are fragmented.
13 years is a long time to not be in my life,
6 years is not long enough
to remember.
and I am told stories, sold memories
that are not mine.

if i am like you,
daughter like mother,
then does that mean i am amazing too?
maybe i mistook myself for someone else.
or maybe i mistook you.

~r.j.m.