the dark end

there is no fight left in me
my days are numbered
the clock is ticking
my head is spinning
i am alone.
i have a life for now,
my life,
i will do what i want with it.
end it if i chose.
and who would miss
the pale skin and eyes
the ruined smile
the goosebumps?
there is no laughter here
care free and young are for somebody else.
i am not gifted or lucky.
the hard slog has been too much for me.
my eyes can no longer focus
one foot in front of the other is not that easy
i am crawling, fading, slowing down.
i know there is nothing
but blackness
i yearn for the dark end
no bright, warm lights, no hands reach for me
to pull me in
or even pull me back.
i sink in, this quicksand is to much for me
to struggle any more.
there is no fight left in me.